Jayne's Plan
by KinkerBelle
Summary: Rayne. Jayne has a some what terrifying realization.
1. That Very Second

This was bad. It hadn't occurred to him until right then. Not until that very second. His mouth dropped open a fraction with the shock of his realization. Why HER? Whatever power was sittin' up there in his fancy clouded heaven or whatnot sure had some gorram sick sense of humor. Funny, right? To make _him_ fall in love? No, not really. Not to Jayne.

Not when he knew he didn't have a shot in hell with that girl. Too young. And too smart. Just too high above him in every way that counted. He didn't necessarily think of himself in a negative light but… River Tam was just so… he cut that thought off. The merc sat himself down on the weight bench. More like flopped down. He was completely horrified. _River Tam. River Anne Tam. River Anne Cobb? _He physically flinched. He hated thinking thoughts he couldn't control. He hated thinking thoughts period. But that's what she always got him doin'. Thinking. Thinking about her with his last name attached.

_She ain't yours yet! Yet? No! Not yet, not ever! _

_...Why?_

His hands were shaking a little bit. He needed something to do. Looking around quickly and avoiding the spot in the cargo bay where he knew River was, his gaze settled on Candie and he picked her up to give her a good cleaning. River's soft giggle echoed across the bay and Jayne polished the gun in his hand a little more forcefully than necessary.

Why not Kaylee or Zoe or even Inara? Hell, Kaylee and him came from basically the same background, they was similar folk. Core girl like River were more likely to kill a man with her bare hands than look twice at a guy like him. Then again, River most likely had. So did that mean…? NO, no it didn't. Why not Zoe? She was a warrior, she could get inside his head. And that was worth somethin', weren't it? But Jayne knew she didn't get inside his heart, under his skin like his River-girl did. He growled deep in his throat _No gorram nicknames!_ He insisted mentally.

Why couldn't he have fallen for Inara? She was safe, knew where he stood with her. She was gorram beautiful enough. But in his eyes, she paled next to River. Jayne sighed shakily. This was BAD. The merc cast a glance over at her. She was on the other side of the bay sketching Zoe and Mal in a fierce game of Chinese checkers. He considered her briefly. She was so young. So special. Jayne shook himself, he didn't like getting' all sappy, even inside his own head.

He'd started thinkin' on her way back after the incident on Ariel. How special she musta been for the Alliance to want her back so bad. After Miranda, well, she just wouldn't get outta his head. At night, sometimes all her could think about was those doors opening and her standing there like… like him. Prettier, more graceful, but like him. Just exactly aware of how deadly she was. Sometimes, when he was fighting with her (words or guns, didn't matter) it felt like something inside her matched something inside him. He swallowed reflexively, trying to keep down the bile he _wasn't_ tasting. Sometimes, he couldn't help but thinkin' on her all soft-like. To be honest it scared the ever livin' hell outta him. Jayne wasn't one for things he couldn't control. He cheated at cards, carried guns on his person to level any score that might come up and he rarely (if ever) worked with partners. Even with Mal and Zoe he was strictly a solo act. River Tam was an unknown factor. She just couldn't be predicted, not ever.

Like when those blast doors opened. In a thousand gorram years he never would have guessed that he'd end up more turned than ever before in his life, just from seein' her standing there. Jayne looked down and sighed. He'd almost rubbed a hole in Candie's finish. He felt slightly guilty. Just cuz he'd gone and done the stupidest thing in his life didn't give him no call to take it out on his weaponry. He set Candie down and picked up Rhonda, then started to take her apart. He didn't even need to watch as he did it, he knew his guns so well. His gaze drifted back to River. Her thin wavy dress was riding a bit high on her legs and Jayne almost groaned at all the pale leg he could see. His pulled his gaze back down to Rhonda. That didn't stick for long. Like a he was north and she was south, she pulled his eyes back up to her.

He could tell she felt his eyes on her when she stiffened the tiniest bit and stopped drawing. She pulled her hair over to her opposite shoulder so that Jayne could see her neck and better see the side of her face. She dared a glance at him. Their eyes met and he held her gaze. Before he could help himself he grinned at her. It was just a gut reaction, smile at the woman you love, right? _Wrong, so wrong._ But… her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open a fraction, her cheeks colored pink instead of creamy white. She was blushin' over him? Huh.

Jayne, in a moment of madness, decided to test a theory. It was a crazy one, but involved a crazy girl, so just maybe it could work itself out. He tossed a slow wink at her. Instantly her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink and she smiled shyly at him before averting her eyes. Jayne was glad she weren't watching him no more because he was full out beaming. Gorram cute thing was shy, and ruttin affected by him too. He'd love to see how far the blush extended down her body. But that would never happen…. Right? He took a half second to consider.

**Wrong**

A crazy notion took a hold of Jayne then. What if falling for her hadn't been the dumbest thing he'd ever done? It felt a sure thing that he didn't deserve her but did that mean he couldn't have her? For however brief or long a period of time?

Jayne Cobb worked himself a plan just then. A dangerous one, though most plans he worked up were just that. And before he had even gotten the details or even some of the majors factors decided on, he was committed. He was decided in that his plan would be implemented and soon. He was going to seduce River Tam, with the ultimate goal of making her River Cobb. Jayne pieced Rhonda back up and gathered his guns before he headed off to his bunk. A spring evident in his step.

On the other side of the bay, River watched him go with awe. She felt it coming, something that would change her. She promised herself she wouldn't peek into anyone's mind and she intended to keep this promise. But Jayne was planning something… she could feel it on the wind, not that there was any real wind on Serenity. She tried hard to guess what his newest scheme could be, but for the life of her couldn't guess. The sheer number of things that could be on his mind thrilled her a tiny bit. She smiled and returned to sketching, suddenly itching for the next time she would see him.


	2. Stage One Part One

Mornings on Serenity were not something Jayne usually saw, as he had a tendency to oversleep a bit. Okay, a lot. But Phase 1, Stage 1 required he be up. Tiredly, he dragged hisself into the mess and set up the coffee maker. Ruttin' girl better like this.

He pondered last night on the right way to go about this seduction thing. He'd never done it before. Since, he'd always bought his time. That ensured the women came easy and stayed as long as he could pay them to. Clearly that weren't of any use to him 'cause his usual adventures weren't 'bout love. So, he'd thought on it for a bit. Everything kept soundin' wrong in his head, though. Then it hit upon him that it seemed logical like to do everything backwards… well, for him. Maybe that was what was forwards for everyone else, but that much reverse logical thinkin' had made his head hurt a bit.

As a start, he'd worked up a list of things he generally avoided and figured that's what he'd do. Originally, it had been comprised almost completely of sneaky little roundabout ways of tellin' her he liked her: sly glances at mealtimes, all nice and planned out; also a lot of hand holdin' and poetry… but that got scrapped after he realized he prob'ly didn't wanna make her fall fer some guy weren't even remotely like him. Prob'ly a bad plan. So he'd crumpled the list into a ball and lit it on fire. He'd shuddered at the thought of someone finding that. If not because he might get his balls handed to him right ruttin' quick, then because he'd be so embarrassed he'd just have to leave this ship. The new list was better. Very honest, very Jayne.

He'd had trouble at first, but after an hour or so, he'd hit on the gold—the small stuff. Things he could do for her, say to her. Things they could do together. Even a few conversation starters. By the time he'd hit the sack, he was gorram proud of himself. The very first item on his agenda was the one that made him the most nervous, but he was gonna get it out of the way first an' not waste time pussyfootin' around the subject. Although there weren't no reason to outright scare the girl, so he was gonna ease into it.

He'd figured first to make coffee for the two of them, but then he remembered that River didn't drink coffee. He had a vague recollection of it happening once and the captain banning her from it on account of how jumpy she got. So orange juice it was. Not real orange juice, but Jayne had a trick or two up his sleeve. He'd figured it out a while back, but kept it a secret. If you took two protein flavors packs, sweet and tart, very standard, and mixed them almost equally, then added just the right amount of water, the result tasted exactly like fresh squeezed orange juice. Course, it ended up being bright pink in color. An' that's why he never let anyone see him drinking it. 

He fetched the packets out of the cupboards along with a mug and a tall glass. After a couple minutes the coffee maker had automatically turned itself off, and Jayne poured himself a cup. Next he carefully mixed up the orange juice and poured it into the tall glass. Careful not to spill the coffee or River's juice, he walked slowly on up to the bridge.

He found his girl (shut up, brain) staring into the black peacefully. He wasn't clear on exactly when he'd started making note of where she was at all hours of the day, but he just took it as a blessing to be able to find her now. Around this time of morning, she was on the bridge, enjoying the quiet of the ship in sound and mentality. 'Least, that's what she kept sayin'. Without a word he sat down in the co-pilot's seat, silently handing her the juice, but not turning to face her. He didn't worry about startling her, not many things could sneak up on her; mind readin' genius and all that.

He could feel her eyes on him and she still hadn't taken the drink after almost a minute. He turned his head and found her staring at him. He grinned and pointedly looked at the drink in his hand. The pilot frowned slightly at the glass. "My arm's getting' tired girly, take the gorram drink," he muttered, trying not to laugh at the look on her face.

"What is it?" she said, finally reaching out and taking it. He rolled his eyes.

"It's good, is what it is. Take a sip already, would ya?"

She pouted at him, but took a ginger little sip from off the very top. After considering it for ten seconds or so she turned and smiled at him bemusedly.

"It tastes exactly like…"

"Orange juice."

There was a short pause before River took a long pull from the glass and moaned appreciatively. And loudly. Jayne thought he might have a heart failure. "Oh… run-tse duh fwotzoo, how did you make this?" she said while still trying to consume the entire glass.

He chuckled. "Maybe I'll show you some time."

"Well if you don't I'll be forced to puncture your carotid artery."

Jayne raised his eyebrows and hid his laughter in his coffee cup. "So…" she said, slowing down a bit in her drinking frenzy, instead nervously twisting her hands around the glass. "What is all this for? Do you need a favor?"

Jayne decided not to be hurt by that. She wasn't in on the situation, yet. Plus, before he'd had his little… what was that word— epiphany?... Yeah, epiphany; well until he'd had it, the only circumstances he mighta done this under woulda been if he'd wanted something in return. "Nope. Don' need a favor…" he said, letting the sentence linger on purpose. 

"Is there something else you require, Jayne?"

He didn't know (and chose not to examine too closely) why exactly it was that when she said his name he got tingles down to his toes. He hoped it wasn't part of this whole love thing. Useless bodily reactions were not something he was accustomed to. He shifted around in the chair; maybe his legs were fallin' asleep.

"Reqire? Not really. Alls I want is a minute ta talk to ya."

She paled. "Have I done something wrong?"

He frowned at her. "Take it easy, little bit. No, ya didn't do nothing wrong. I jus' got a question."

She looked horribly confused, it was a little cute. He mighta drawn out the talk he was about to have with her just for her expression, but he was startin' to get a mite twitchy. He realized belatedly that maybe coffee wasn't the best choice in drink. "Alright." She said softly. "Shoot."

Jayne shrugged and took a deep breathe in. This was it. Now or never. "Wanna join me in my bunk tonight?"

River choked on her juice and sputtered a little bit. Like the cute girl version of flustered Simon. It was a little bit funny but Jayne didn't laugh, didn't want her to think he was kidding. "Shuh muh?" she said, blinking furiously.

"Ya heard me loud and clear darlin'. We could have some fun."

She blushed a bright rosy pink and ducked her head, not meeting his eyes. _Still shy, still cute._ Jayne thought.

"Uh…" she said elegantly. She seemed stunned. "What kind of… um, fun did you have in mind?"

"Watch a movie?"

Another moment spent in shock.

"Why? Why me?"

"Uh… yer really hot? I need another reason?" 

He'd figured it would be best to leave out the whole "I realized I'm in love with you" thing, maybe still save it with a compliment. That didn't really work how he thought it would though. She went from shy to furious in five seconds flat. Jayne wished her glare wasn't so damn sexy.

"Romantic." She noted dryly. "_Darling, you're so convenient_ must go over real well with your many whores Jayne, but I am not one of them."

He sighed and ran his big hand over his face. It became obvious to him then that The Plan was gonna have to be more like guidelines, she was just too damn unpredictable. "That didn't take long."

"For me to turn you down? Apparently not." she said, her mouth in a tight line.

"Fer you to assume the very worst 'bout me."

She turned to him. He graced her with a 'You fucked it up, not me' look and assumed she got it when she looked down quickly at her bare toes. A stressed pause followed.

"I… I apologize. I just… I admit I thought we didn't get along very well. The invitation was taken out of context. I'm sorry for the miscommunication."

He shrugged a bit. "Not really a total mis-comm-unication. I definitely wanna sex you." She turned bright red. He grinned and winked at her. "Not just yet. Tonight'd be more of a date than anythin' else. Nothin' yer not ready for."

She looked him dead in the eye despite her fierce blush. After a moment that seemed like forever to Jayne, she spoke. 

"I'm not sure this is a good idea."

He scoffed. "An' why is it not a good idea? This happens to be a grade-A, prime condition idea."

"Jayne, we can barely have a whole conversation without insulting each other."

"Well, that's the sexual tension, way I see it," he said with a teasing grin. 

She sat stunned and he took the opportunity to just look at her. The long brown hair, the dark haunting eyes. He didn't even bother trying to hide his leer. Her body was so small, and tight. Nothing he usually went for, but it was making his mouth water. He decided that was because he just didn't know what was best for him 'most the time. Now he knew.

"Are you serious? You're not playing a cruel joke on me?"

"Couldn't do that if I tried."

"I could easily read you, yes, but… I don't do that just for fun, Jayne. I stay out of people's heads when at all possible. And so I'd appreciate it if you would be honest with me."

Jayne shook his head in an irritated manner and his well known scowl slipped on his face. "Wuh de ma, I didn't mean it like that. Jus' meant that I wouldn't be nothin' but straight with ya 'bout this. I aint got a lot o' things I care particular about but this is one of 'em. So… so, what, you comin' to my bunk tonight or do I gotta drag ya there hog tied?"

She made a face. "Bondage is not necessary."

"Less'n yer feelin' in that mood," he said with a smirk, waggling his eyebrows for effect. She sighed in an exasperated manner and threw a dinosaur at him. He laughed loudly and rose from the co-pilot's chair.

Feeling in a sudden and ridiculously playful mood, he grabbed the arm of her chair and swiveled her around to face him. With a hand on each side of the chair he leaned forward and she tilted her face back. His face hovered just about a centimeter above hers. Gorramit, how he wanted to kiss her. And that was new and weird as hell for Jayne. Instead of runnin' away like half of him sure as hell wanted to do, he grinned and looked her dead in the eye.

"So, s'that mean yer gonna be in bunk at 7:30?"

She bit her lip nervously. "Yes," she said, slightly unsure. Then with more confidence, "Yes, it does." And she smiled.

"Good," he said, not aware that his voice had dropped to a low growl. Jayne wasn't used to such a simple thing as a woman smiling making his feet go numb. She shivered and the large mercenary felt it shake the air between them. "7:30," he repeated and ducked his head to brush his lips light as air on her cheek.

She sucked in air in a sharp little gasp. He smirked against her skin and left without any further commentary. Between the bridge and galley his walk became a skip, and by the time he stomped down the stairs into the cargo hold it had become a confident strut.

Phase One, Stage One? Complete.

River was well on her way to throwing her entire wardrobe on the floor of her bunk. Mostly, she loved that the Captain had moved her into the crew quarters. Right now though, she longed for the larger closet space in the passenger dorms.

She never thought she'd ever think it, but she had nothing to wear. A veritable carpet of clothes lay on her floor so that she couldn't see the carpet beneath it, yet she had nothing to wear. She felt like screaming. She didn't dare look over at the bed. The only outfit she could even fathom wearing was laid out on her bed, and it was just too much pressure to think about.

She frantically glanced at the clock on her beside table. 7:15. She felt sick. With a heavy sigh she turned to the bed. She knew it was absurd to hope that somehow the outfit had changed. That somehow, the dark blue skirt had gotten longer, more like when she had first received it form Kaylee. Before her legs had gotten longer. Now it hit her much farther above the knee than she'd like and no matter how hard she pulled it just didn't go down any more. The sweater from Inara was a light blue cashmere. It was ever so soft and quite lovely, but it fit her so tightly. Not so tight as to be uncomfortable, no. Still though, she was sure Jayne would take notice.

It flipped her stomach upside down to realize that she was not completely adverse to the idea. That she, in fact, wanted him to notice her. It was a mystery to her why she was so welcome to his advances. She'd never guessed that his scheme would be to… date her. Obviously, there was more implied. Intercourse. How could sex not be a factor with Jayne Cobb? 

But even when she'd just picked up on what he was feeling strongly, it had been more than just a random case of lust. He wanted to spend time around her, talk with her. She was touched. No one had ever thought thoughts like that about her. It was very new. It was making her a little twitchy.

With a forlorn glance at the clock she realized that it was 7:20. After a few deep and calming breathes she changed into her outfit. She turned to the mirror once she was dressed and studied her reflection carefully. And unless she'd gone crazy again, she looked… really nice. She turned this way and that way, trying to find any flaw from some new angle. She was a little shocked not to see anything worth worrying over. A big grin worked its way unbidden onto her face at the thought of Jayne's reaction.

She didn't know how she felt about the feeling it gave her. She had never felt sexy before. Was she supposed to feel a little sick, like she might throw up? Was that nerves? Was this what it meant to be a sexual being? River nearly vomited. Half because she realized in that very second that she wasn't ready for sexual intercourse at all, and half because she desperately wanted to do it anyway. With Jayne. The thought made her shiver all over.

Simon was going to faint. Kaylee would giggle and jump up and down. Inara would raise one graceful eyebrow. Mal would yell. Loudly. Zoe would crack her first smile since Miranda. River would have done just about anything in that moment for an amygdale to stamp down her feelings. 

She instead wobbled over to the nearest cool steel wall of her bunk and gently rested her forehead there. The change in temperature was soothing and she took a few deep steadying breathes. The Shepherd had taught her that. That when it got too much, to just remember how to do the most basic of all things and go from there. She missed him at times like these.

After a minute she steeled herself and climbed her ladder and out of her bunk. When she had locked her room and straightened her skirt, she strolled over to Jayne's hatch and saw that it was already open.

"Jayne?" she yelled down.

"Yeah, come on down!" he hollered back. 

She did her best to ignore her shaking knees as she climbed down the ladder towards her very first date.


	3. Stage One Part Two

River lowered herself down the ladder into Jayne's bunk slowly. The metal was cool, almost to the point of being cold on her bare feet and she savored the reprieve from how hot she suddenly found herself. She hit the ground and turned to face the inside of the room she'd never seen before.

It felt larger than her bunk, which was illogical because River knew perfectly well that all the bunks save the Captain's were exactly the same size. Jayne's was sparsely decorated though, which is what probably gave the illusion of more space. On the wall connected to his bed there was an array of weapons, maybe half his arsenal. River smiled softly, his favorites. He liked to display them, if only to himself; like a proud relative. The guns were half covered by a grayish blanket and River wondered why that was.

There were several patches of wall quite near the top of the blanket that looked brighter than the rest of the wall. River had a sneaking suspicion that up until very recently those patches had been covered by many cut out pictures of women in provocative positions not burdened with an over abundance of clothing. It caused a small smile to creep onto her face that he had cleaned up somewhat for her. River swept her finger over the nearest surface and when it came away clean she noted that had gone so far as to dust. She stamped down a giggle.

And then she realized that she hadn't said a word so far. But that seemed to be because Jayne was very occupied messing around with some wiring in the walls. He looked entirely frustrated. A whole panel had been removed and Jayne was busily rerouting red wires to green plugs and circuits. She squinted to get a better look at what he was doing, and if she wasn't mistaken, he was attempting to cut into the main cortex feed and bounce it to a rather shoddy looking projector sitting on a high shelf just above the head of his bed.

She observed the angle the projector was tilted toward and when she followed it with her eyes she noted a large white sheet pinned to the ceiling and hanging down as a makeshift movie screen over the far wall. Her heart swelled at all the effort he'd clearly put into this. She turned back to him and he was still fussing with the wires. She didn't know what compelled her, but she walked over to him and placed one hand on his to still his movements. He looked up at her suddenly and she smiled, because the look on his face was so endearing. He looked for all the 'verse like he would have been content to rip the wires right out of the walls and be done with it.

She reached into the mess of colored wires and delicately pulled a blue one from its place and fed it into a red opening. The projector flickered above them and he looked put out. "Was jus' about ta do that." He said quickly.

She shrugged. "I figured it would be best completed sometime this millennia." He mumbled agitatedly and it prompted a chuckle from her. "So, what are we going to view tonight?"

Jayne perked up and fished a stack of computer chips from his pocket. He had changed into clean and stainless khaki cargo pants. River thanked whatever powers out there that he had chosen not to go with his whoring shirt this evening. "Uh, I downloaded all o' these. I figured I'd let you make the final pick."

She took the pile gingerly and glanced over them. The options were quite varied but, they were all remakes of countless remakes of classic films from Earth That Was.

The Princess Bride, River had seen that with Simon as a girl. She'd appreciated the story but found the whole concept of being half-dead a little ridiculous. And as she reflected on the torture sequence, sucking away years of one's life, she decided she did not want to be reminded of the Academy during this date.

Lady and the Tramp, she giggled aloud. How very appropriate. But the memory of the Siamese twin cats reminded her eerily of the hands of blue. Two by two. Mr. and Mrs. Smith… well, she'd never sent that one before. She shifted it into her other hand for further consideration.

The last chip turned her head to him in surprise. "…Oklahoma?" She inquired, with not a little bit of surprise evident in her tone.

He frowned. "What? Like the planet right? That _is_ what it's about, right?"

She laughed. "The planet is named after a small state that existed back on Earth that Was. That's what the musical is about."

Jayne looked at her in abject horror. "Musical?"

She couldn't help but smirking. "Yes."

"Like with… songs and dancin'?"

"You didn't know?"

"Uh…" he seemed to consider whether or not he'd consciously offered her the choice of tormenting him by making him sit through an evening of song and dance. "Well…. Uh, no, not really."

"So you've never seen it before?"

"No, I aint ever seen it." He admitted a little sheepishly. She grinned evilly.

"Well it's a lovely production! I haven't sent this version before. I think I'd very much like to watch this one."

His jaw hit the floor. "That one?" She nodded. He stared at her in disbelief. "That one?" He asked again.

She nodded, a smile worming its way onto her face. He looked at her closely, taking several moments to ascertain that she was not kidding around. Then looked warily at the chip in her hand. "Okay."

She frowned at him, very confused. It was not like him not put up some sort of argument.

"That's all. You're not going to argue with me? You are clearly adverse to the viewing of this film."

Jayne suddenly looked at her angrily. "Yeah, well whatever it takes."

River took a sudden step back. "Pardon? Whatever it takes to do what?" She crossed her arms and glared at him. He looked as though he could scarcely believe what was happening.

"Jesus, woman! I meant whatever it takes to get you to see I'm serious. Can we assume for a couple minutes I aint a lecherous old hump?"

And she had the decency to look down at her bare toes a bit guiltily. "Sorry."

He heaved a sigh. "Let's forgit 'bout it, huh?" She nodded quickly and moved to slip the chip into the projector. Only to find she couldn't reach. Her hand fell about a half a foot short. She strained into her tip toes but it didn't help. Jayne chuckled behind her and she felt him come up beside her. She turned to give him a sour look but realized he had offered her his hand. She figured she could use his hand for support while she stepped up on the mattress of his bed to reach the projector. He could have easily just slipped it in himself, being so much taller, but he was apparently quite content to help her.

She put her small hand in his and placed one foot on his bed, rising easily on to one foot. She only half registered that she'd gone on point. It was a long ingrained habit from her days as a ballerina. She examined the obviously home made projector carefully, looking for where the chip went.

A low whistle from Jayne below her diverted her attention though. She turned to him curiously. When she saw him staring at her with unwavering focus, she quickly looked herself up and down. "What? What's wrong?" she asked, letting go of his hand to run her hands over herself, checking for whatever was so wrong he would stare at her like that.

"Not a blessed thing, doll." He noted, chuckling a little bit at her reaction. "Jus' that that skirt'd make an athlete loose his breathe and I'm a tad concerned for my health."

She blushed bright red and tugged at the hem nervously. He stilled her hand and she shivered when his calloused hand brushed her bare thigh by accident.

"You look great. Don't pay me no mind, just couldn't leave it unsaid." He added with a smile. The smile was infectious and she felt inexplicably at ease all of sudden.

"Thank you." She said softly.

He tipped her a wink and had he not been steadying her, she thought her knees might have given out. She turned her attention back to the projector and quickly found the port meant for the chip. She slid it home and backed up on his bed, looking around in the room for where they would sit.

When she realized that it was going to be on his bed she bit her lip. How had she not deduced that before? The screen was set up directly across from the bed, it was only logical. There was no other place comfortable enough in his bunk to spend roughly two hours. Before her brain could get carried away she just sat herself down, legs folded under her towards the wall. There, decision made.

Jayne didn't seem to make note of her inner struggle as he squinted at the projector, trying to find where the play button was. He found it relatively quickly though and held it down for a couple of seconds. A moving logo for the studio that must have produced the movie was projected into the screen with surprising quality. Jayne flipped the light switch nearby and climbed onto the bed beside River. She didn't notice that she'd been holding her breathe until she realized he wasn't going to just jump her. She couldn't understand why she was both relieved and disappointed as he sat with ease at her side, a respectable inch and a half away, what with how very small all their beds were.

And the movie started.

The male lead, Curly, wandered in a field near a farm house. When he began the opening number "Oh What A beautiful Morning!" Jayne got quite the shock. He jerked fiercely and looked disbelievingly at the screen.

"D'they jus' jump in like that? Start singin' all loud without no kinda warnin' fer a fella?!" He exclaimed and River couldn't contain her full bodied laughter.

"Aint funny! I make a livin' outta not being startled easy-like, but that'd scare the bejesus outta me, people start a going off like that." He continued, obviously not content with the situation so far.

She patted his hand gently, wiping her damp eyes with her free hand and casually let her hand rest on his. Casually on the outside, inside she felt like she was running a marathon. "You'll learn when to expect a song."

He frowned at her like he didn't believe her, but he did thread his fingers through hers. "If'n ya say so."

"I do."

"Alright then. Good gorramit is he still singin' 'bout the pretty morning? Calm down boy-o. S'a time o' day, aint like it's a solar 'clipse 'er nothin'."

River lapsed into laughter again. "It's meant to convey his love for the territory he lives in."

"Oh." He said, turning back to the screen, still confused but trying to piece it together. Without his knowledge, she smiled gently at him all through the first number. She just couldn't stop. He made her grin ear to ear.

For the rest of the movie she answered his questions patiently and with good humor. He had trouble with the concept of Curly winning his big fight with Judd Frye, because Judd was so very much bigger.

"Don' make sense."

"I agree. It's not very logical that Curly would win the fight, but I suppose for dramatic purposes he can't be killed on his wedding day. That usually spoils the mood."

"Yeah, but they couldn'ta got someone looks like they could hold their own inna fight?. Ya 'least gotta be strong ta wrassle in a cow, an Curly was 'sposed ta be a cowboy, right? He don't look like he could barely lift a bushel o' hay."

River smiled serenely, leaning her head back against the wall. "Well neither do I." She could only half pay attention to the conversation, Jayne was rubbing circles on the top of her hand, and it was causing a low hum in her head and chest cavity. He smiled at her warmly and it made her breathe catch in her throat.

In that moment she didn't know how she didn't swoon every time she saw him. He was so swai.

"Yeah, well I think we both can admit yer a special case, doll."

She grinned at him in a playful manner. "Second time you've called me that. Do I have a new appellation?"

He seemed to consider. "Ya mean like a nickname? Sure, doll. I like the sound of it."

River liked it too. It was new and specific to them and it had the inexplicable and illogical outcome of making her want to tell everyone she possibly could. She even went so far as to imagine being referred to as that by the crew in general. She didn't find that suitable though. Jayne had a glint in his eye and a lilt to his tone when he said it that made her feel like it was theirs alone.

"Only you though. Wouldn't want Simon to call me that; or worse, Captain Daddy." She said softly.

He chuckled. "Okay, doll."

He kissed the back of her hand gently and River didn't know what possessed her but she leaned forward and caught his lips not two seconds after. At first it was a little bit awkward. Just two people pressing their lips together. Shocked, and not really putting anything into it. But before she could pull away and apologize, Jayne's free hand tunneled through her hair and pulled her closer.

He tilted his head and River began to move her lips against his. He made this little sound. She was scarcely sure she'd even heard it at all. But it was so male and so devastatingly sexy. It spurred her on further into her very first kiss. She leaned into him more and his arm found its way around her waist. The feel of him touching her, not even skin to skin was new and a little scary but wholly wonderful. She tilted her head to fit more snuggly into his embrace and he made that noise again.

A growling low rumble, like an earthquake considering whether or not to shake the surface. River felt like she'd melted. As Jayne held her close she felt her body hum in happy sensation. Her mind was quiet, it's surface smooth and placid. And she was almost sure that if she looked in a mirror she would glow with bright white joy.

Jayne couldn't even believe he was kissing the love of his life. Fuck, he was terrified. For one, it was on the mouth; and he didn't even feel like an idjit when he thought she even _tasted_ beautiful. She smelled like angels outta smell. It was only when he tasted salt that he pulled back from her.

His face hovered an inch or so above hers and he opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times. She was crying. His heart thudded semi-painfully beneath his rib cage. "Doll? Whyfore ya cryin'?"

She smiled in that loopy and devastatingly beautiful way of hers and as usual it bowled him over. River lifted a curious hand to her face. When her hand came away damp she blinked in confusion. "Weeping can often be the result of moments of intense happiness." She whispered.

Jayne smiled wide and pulled her up against his chest. "Well then, if it's okay I think Imma hafta make ya cry everyday from now on." He said against the shell of her ear. She laughed ecstatically, intoxicated just from his hot breathe in her ear and the rumble of his chest against hers.

"Alright. Does that mean you intend to… to see me everyday?"

"Hell yeah! You gon' be my girl?"

"If you will be my dopple, my match. Be my guy."

"Yeah Doll. I'll be yer man." He replied. Then after a long pause, "Does that mean you're gonna bake my favorite pie like the movie?" She lightly slapped his chest, more for an excuse to touch him than any real agitation.

"Only if you ask nicely." They chuckled.

It was only hours later when they both broke away reluctantly. River had to return to her bunk. She kissed his cheek goodbye and he snuck in an extra twenty minutes of kissing. She couldn't even muster up much righteous anger when he blatantly looked up her skirt as she went up his ladder. Instead she found herself laughing at his antics.

They said goodnight and she floated on air back to her bunk hatch and down the ladder. Back in his bunk Jayne was bouncing on the balls of his feet, unable to keep still. He tore quickly through his drawers and found his check list. With unbelievable satisfaction he ticked off the box marked "First Kiss", originally placed much farther beyond "First Date". He sighed and fell back onto his bed, still smelling River on his sheets. He beamed into his pillow. He couldn't believe how scared he was. And him not payin' that no attention or carin' one bit cuz holdin' his girl was all that mattered now. As far as he was concerned, this fallin' in love business kicked ruttin' ass!


	4. The Ballad of Vera

Jayne would be damned if he'd ever admit how he'd really gotten Vera. If they knew, they'd see this whole thing comin' way off and spoil it. So Jayne kept it to himself.

The story as he'd once related to Mal was more fact than fiction, but he'd left out a few key details. Six men had come to kill him, yeah, that checked in with reality. Three of them were skinny, tall, crazy as fuckin' hell. They were the kind Jayne knew to just shoot between the eyes and not bother givin' a fair fight, they would have enjoyed the pain too much. He killed them bang, bang, bang. One, two, three in quick succession.

The next two were thugs, but a bit like him in the hard-to-snuff-out department. Hung on for hours. Just hiding behind crates in pools of their own blood waiting for him to let his guard down. But eventually he'd stealthed himself across the room to shoot right through said crates and end that bit of nuisance. He was nothin' more than tired, barely a scratch on him. Too bad the bar he had been in was the one to take the brunt of the attack. He'd been about to walk out swaggering and everything.

And then the last one came in, soon-to-be Vera in hand. She was a beaut. Gorram, was she shiny. Even fightin' for his life Jayne knew that if nothing else, he was gonna have that gun. The guy carrying her was big, as big even as Jayne. Just a large mother fucker. Blonde hair in a crew cut slowly being covered with his own blood.

They took turns beating the shit out of each other for forty five minutes. It was unreal. But Jayne had obviously found his opening. Stabbed him right through the jugular with a piece of broken glass and should have fled right then. But as this guy dropped to the floor, his grip on his beautiful gun slackened and when she hit the floor in this one awkward spot, she shattered.

Jayne's jaw hit the floor in awe and disgust. What the hell was this gun gonna be worth to him now? Not much, 'cept maybe he could throw a part at someone and get 'em in the eye. Jayne sighed and took a brief moment to mourn the loss of such a very fine weapon. Her parts still shimmered, glinting with the setting sun's orange glow. Even as he stood there bloodied and thoroughly beaten his mind got to workin'.

The pieces made sense in front of his eyes, scattered as they were. They were inconvientient, sure. They were a nuisance, sure. But they pulled at him. Said, come and collect me Jayne, put me back together. I wasn't yours before. I could be though.

It was getting' on time to leave. Somebody really had to have called the cops by now. There wasn't no time to go throwin' away minutes on a fancy. But he did it anyway. Grabbed a burlap sack from behind the counter and picked up all her parts, even the trigger he knew wouldn't fit him. How the other guy had worked it, he had no idea.

When the sack was tied off into a knot at the top he hurried himself off to the docks, making a quick stop at his hotel to grab his arsenal, ever present in two large duffle bags, and some clothes in a backpack. And so he'd hopped some shitty transport to some shitty moon and on the way he'd worked on her. Laid her out all on his bed, grinning like he would at any other fine lady in his bed chamber.

And he set himself to work. At first, it was damn slow going. Couldn't make sense of her parts at all. Parts he knew should connect with each other was being stubborn and not clicking in the way they should. She was barely even half assembled when he'd flat given up and tried to sell her. To some hun dan in the quarters next door. Guy almost had her too. But as he was about to hand her and her parts over the ship gave a mighty tilt and he fell to the floor, gun parts all over him, and knew he couldn't give her away. Knew that if there was any place she belonged, it was with him. So he retreated into his passenger space without another word and stayed there working on her for the rest of the journey.

She was a wily one. Had to be cleaned, and prepped, and treated like a princess. And sometimes there was a bit of force necessary to get her parts all fitting in and working the way they should. The day before they landed he sat back on his haunches and looked at his finished work, and she was fine as when he'd first seen her. Sleek, light, deadly, forceful, wonderful. She was his very favorite gun.

But what to name her? Couldn't be after no whore. Couldn't be after none o' the girls in his mags. It was by pure coincidence that Jayne got to thinking on the word 'very'. Only the very best, very good indeed… very. The gun was very… well, she was very. She was everything he wanted. He wondered it if was a bit unlucky to name her Vera, because it was only a letter off from 'very'. But Vera was his best, his most of everything. And she deserved it. He christened her with gun oil and a test shot once he was off ship.

She fired like righteousness in his hand.

He felt like a god among men with Vera held close. And she'd not left his side since. There'd been incidents, oh yeah. Times when folks had tried to rip her off him. Or when he'd gotten stupid and put her up for barter which, even with the intent to steal her back later, she'd not been pleased about. Jayne could just tell she wasn't happy. Her trigger stuck and he had to work all the harder for her to work with him. He always apologized to her with his best gun oil and more customizations. When she was happy, though, she purred under his hand and reigned destruction down on his enemies.

For a while, Jayne thought there could never be a place in his heart, higher then Vera's. Until he met River Tam.

And it was the same damn thing all over again. And that's why he never told not a soul what Vera's real story was. The similarities were just too spooky. Now that he was dating her though, now that they had this odd agreement to court one another in secrecy, he knew she had to be sat down and told the story. Cuz yeah, he was gonna get stupid, he was (after all) Jayne Cobb. And yeah, she was gonna have unhappy days where her trigger stuck and she was difficult.

But he wanted her to know that no matter what he did, or how dumb he got; he'd always come back and fix her up. Because she was his very best girl. And that was gorram that. "Tell Vera's Story" was added in careful, if messy, script to his check list.


End file.
